I've finally succumbed to what has been coming for about four days now: I'm sick. *ugh* My head feels like it would barely pass through a door (no comments from the peanut gallery), I'm coughing up lungbutter (how can all this phloem be in one body), and I think I am going through some menopausal phase where I'm hot one moment and frigid the next (although that could be the fever). So...all that to say: I'm sick.
One thing I've noticed while I've been sick is this: I want to be alone. All the guys on my floor have stopped by offering to hang out, cook a meal or just pray with me. I've gotten phone calls from tons of folk today, many of them asking if I need anything. All the while, I just want to wrap up in my blanket on my couch and lay there in my misery. I'm mad at myself for wanting to be alone when so many awesome people have checked up on me and are desiring to help me out.
I'm not sure why I've suddenly turned anti-social. Part of the answer lies with the fact that I just feel like crud. Another part of it might lie with the fact that I would not be the strong guy that I normally am around people (a.k.a. I'd be vulnerable). I've even thought that if people were around I'd probably end up complaining about how I feel and I really hate complaining. Even with these realizations, I'm not sure I've come to any sort of a conclusion, though. I'm in the same boat I was in before: sick and anti-social. I could make myself be around people, but would that help? That's the question of the day (aside from where are my stinkin tissues!). *cough* *cough*
To all of you who have called me today and I've been somewhat abrupt with: I apologize. When I'm sick, I just want to wallow in my sickness. To those who are now planning to call or email or something: I apologize. When I'm sick, I just want to wallow in my sickness. I love each of you dearly and appreciate the sentiment, honestly. I pray I can someday return the kindness that you are showing me.
until Christ is formed in us... (and all sickness and disease will end!)
--mike, the sickly, anti-social guy