Wednesday, April 27, 2005

an apology

"The heart is deceitful above all things,
and desperately sick;
who can understand it?" Jeremiah 17:9

Have you ever had a bad sunburn? Being the Scotsman that I am (and blessed to be), I have had my share of burns. I remember as a kid being burned so badly I was blistered all over my chest, shoulders, back and even ears. I didn't listen to my mom and left sunscreen off. Never again I vowed. Until the pain of the burn was forgotten and the enticements of the sun returned.

Several years ago I went swimming with my middle school small group I led at church. There were no plans to be out long, so I didn't put on sunscreen. Big stinkin' mistake. I was redder than a lobster and in severe pain. I couldn't wear a shirt because I hurt so much. I went to work the next day and apparently everyone needed to pat me on the back or give me a hug. Normally these things wouldn't have hurt--although one guy's pats were closer to punches, but because I was already hurting...they hurt worse than they normally would.

I had a rough weekend this past week with work. Then my mom informed me of some bad news. My sister called and is still extremely depressed and has been dealing with other emotions that come with depression. During all this a friend wanted to talk about some stuff. I normally should not have been hurt by what was said, but because I was already was like hitting a sunburn or an already injured spot on my body. It hurt bad.

I'd like to say that I turned the other cheek in this instance, but I didn't. I lashed out and let my flesh win. I hurt someone I really care about with some stupid words and a careless statement. I feel like crap right now because of it. I apologized and we talked later, but I'm so frustrated with myself. I'm upset with myself for acting the way I did--very childish, I do admit. I'm upset with myself for lashing out and letting my flesh take control. I'm upset that I was hurt so much and took what was said to me the wrong way.

I hurt someone I care about and I'm sorry.

How I long for the day when we don't hurt each other. How I long for a day when my flesh will be utterly defeated. How I long for the day when our injuries and failures of the past no longer haunt us but are testimonies to the grace of Christ. How I long for the day when we shall see Him face to face....

--until Christ is formed in us...


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